Date: Mon 12th January 2026
Venue: O&C Club
Result: Swans 3 – Lloyd’s 2
Match manager: Ollie Troop
The Swans triumphed 3-2 in an excellent evening of squash and dinner, with nail-biting rallies and some questionable fitness levels on display.
1. Richard Winter vs. Mateo Rubio (3–1)
A clash of styles: Richard’s cunning shot-making versus Mateo’s relentless running. Sadly, the drama fizzled when Mateo seemed to pick up a knock and slowed down significantly.
2. Milind Chohan vs. Ollie Troop (2–3)
Started off as an epic battle, but the quality of squash dropped-off notably in the 5th as both players began to tire. Ollie ultimately managed to scrape the win, perhaps because of superior fitness, but more likely because Milind had already played 45 minutes of drills with Andrew earlier in the evening.
3. Alex Wall vs. Will Murray Willis (3-2)
The match of the night. Alex stormed ahead early, but Will’s cycling-based fitness kicked in, and he roared back to an 8–2 lead in the fifth. Victory seemed inevitable, until Alex staged a dramatic comeback and took the final game to seal the win.
4. Giles Nicholas vs. Tom Steeley (1–3)
Having just returned from a hamstring injury, Giles couldn’t keep up with Tom’s pace.
5. Shivam Hemnani vs. Rory Thompson (3–1)
Shivam, drafted in as a ringer, proved too strong for Rory and sealed the match for the Swans.
In an unprecedented turn of events, only one bottle of wine was consumed at dinner, because most players were observing “dry January”. In another example of ‘wokery gone mad’, the opposition captain not only declined to bring cash, but chose to pay for his meal with his smart watch.
